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Facing rejection, notably when it occurs frequently, is far from pleasant. Someone is saying no, giving a definite “No.” Working in writing, I am well acquainted with setbacks. I started proposing story ideas five decades ago, upon college graduation. Over the years, I have had two novels declined, along with article pitches and many short stories. During the recent 20 years, concentrating on op-eds, the denials have only increased. In a typical week, I face a setback frequently—adding up to over 100 each year. In total, denials in my profession run into thousands. By now, I could have a advanced degree in handling no’s.

But, is this a self-pitying rant? Not at all. As, at last, at seven decades plus three, I have come to terms with being turned down.

In What Way Have I Managed This?

For perspective: Now, nearly every person and their relatives has said no. I’ve never tracked my success rate—it would be deeply dispiriting.

A case in point: not long ago, a publication nixed 20 submissions consecutively before saying yes to one. Back in 2016, at least 50 editors rejected my memoir proposal before one approved it. Later on, 25 representatives passed on a nonfiction book proposal. One editor suggested that I send articles less often.

The Steps of Setback

In my 20s, every no hurt. It felt like a personal affront. It was not just my work being rejected, but me as a person.

No sooner a manuscript was turned down, I would go through the phases of denial:

• First, surprise. What went wrong? Why would these people be ignore my skill?
• Next, denial. Certainly you’ve rejected the incorrect submission? This must be an mistake.
• Third, rejection of the rejection. What do they know? Who appointed you to hand down rulings on my work? They’re foolish and the magazine is poor. I deny your no.
• After that, irritation at the rejecters, then frustration with me. Why would I put myself through this? Am I a glutton for punishment?
• Fifth, bargaining (often seasoned with delusion). How can I convince you to acknowledge me as a unique writer?
• Then, sadness. I’m no good. Additionally, I’ll never be successful.

So it went over many years.

Notable Examples

Of course, I was in fine fellowship. Accounts of writers whose work was at first declined are legion. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Virtually all famous writer was first rejected. Since they did persevere, then perhaps I could, too. Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team. Most US presidents over the recent history had previously lost races. The filmmaker estimates that his movie pitch and attempt to appear were declined 1,500 times. He said rejection as a wake-up call to wake me up and keep moving, not backing down,” he stated.

The Final Phase

Later, upon arriving at my 60s and 70s, I reached the last step of rejection. Acceptance. Currently, I more clearly see the multiple factors why an editor says no. Firstly, an editor may have just published a similar piece, or have one in progress, or just be considering that idea for someone else.

Or, less promisingly, my pitch is of limited interest. Or the reader thinks I don’t have the experience or standing to succeed. Perhaps is no longer in the business for the content I am offering. Or didn’t focus and read my work too quickly to see its abundant merits.

You can call it an awakening. Everything can be declined, and for whatever cause, and there is pretty much nothing you can do about it. Certain rationales for denial are permanently beyond your control.

Manageable Factors

Some aspects are within it. Admittedly, my ideas and work may sometimes be flawed. They may lack relevance and appeal, or the idea I am attempting to convey is not compelling enough. Or I’m being too similar. Maybe something about my writing style, notably commas, was unacceptable.

The essence is that, despite all my long career and rejection, I have managed to get widely published. I’ve published several titles—my first when I was in my fifties, the next, a autobiography, at 65—and over 1,000 articles. Those pieces have been published in newspapers big and little, in diverse sources. My debut commentary appeared decades ago—and I have now written to various outlets for half a century.

Still, no blockbusters, no signings at major stores, no spots on TV programs, no presentations, no prizes, no accolades, no Nobel Prize, and no Presidential Medal. But I can better accept no at 73, because my, small accomplishments have eased the jolts of my setbacks. I can now be reflective about it all now.

Educational Setbacks

Setback can be instructive, but only if you heed what it’s attempting to show. Or else, you will almost certainly just keep seeing denial the wrong way. What insights have I learned?

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